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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {