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I firmly hold the belief that it is forever an option to evolve. I believe you absolutely are able to teach an old dog new tricks, provided that the old dog is willing and willing to learn. Provided that the individual in question is prepared to acknowledge when it was wrong, and strive to be a improved version.

Alright, I confess, the metaphor applies to me. And the skill I am trying to learn, even though I am decrepit? It is an important one, a feat I have battled against, often, for my all my days. The quest I'm on … to develop a calmer response toward huntsman spiders. Apologies to all the remaining arachnid species that exist; I have to be realistic about my capacity for development as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is large, in charge, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. Encompassing three times in the last week. Inside my home. You can’t see me, but I'm grimacing with discomfort as I type.

It's unlikely I’ll ever reach “fan” status, but I’ve been working on at least becoming a standard level of composure about them.

I have been terrified of spiders from my earliest years (unlike other children who are fascinated by them). In my formative years, I had plenty of male siblings around to ensure I never had to engage with any personally, but I still became hysterical if one was obviously in the same room as me. I have a strong memory of one morning when I was eight, my family unconscious, and trying to deal with a spider that had crawled on to the living room surface. I “handled” with it by retreating to a remote corner, almost into the next room (lest it chased me), and emptying half a bottle of bug repellent toward it. The chemical cloud missed the spider, but it succeeded in affecting and annoy everyone in my house.

In my adult life, whomever I was in a relationship with or cohabiting with was, automatically, the least afraid of spiders between us, and therefore responsible for dealing with it, while I produced low keening sounds and beat a hasty retreat. In moments of solitude, my tactic was simply to exit the space, plunge the room into darkness and try to forget about its being before I had to enter again.

Recently, I visited a companion's home where there was a notably big huntsman who made its home in the sill, primarily lingering. As a means to be less fearful, I envisioned the spider as a her, a one of the girls, one of us, just relaxing in the sun and overhearing us yap. Admittedly, it appears rather silly, but it was effective (to some degree). Or, making a conscious choice to become less phobic proved successful.

Be that as it may, I've made an effort to continue. I reflect upon all the logical reasons not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders are not dangerous to humans. I recognize they eat things like buzzing nuisances (creatures I despise). I am cognizant they are one of the world's exquisite, non-threatening to people creatures.

Unfortunately, however, they do continue to move like that. They travel in the deeply alarming and almost unjust way imaginable. The vision of their many legs propelling them at that terrible speed triggers my primordial instincts to kick into overdrive. They are said to only have eight legs, but I am convinced that triples when they are in motion.

However it isn’t their fault that they have scary legs, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – possibly a greater claim. I’ve found that implementing the strategy of working to prevent instantly leap out of my body and retreat when I see one, attempting to stay still and breathing, and deliberately thinking about their good points, has actually started to help.

Just because they are furry beings that move hastily extremely quickly in a way that invades my dreams, does not justify they deserve my hatred, or my shrieks of terror. I can admit when my reactions have been misguided and motivated by irrational anxiety. I doubt I’ll ever make it to the “trapping one under a cup and relocating it outdoors” phase, but miracles happen. There’s a few years within this seasoned learner yet.